URMYMVP

Season One is twelve episodes, one a day. He files the paperwork. He faints on the paperwork. A narrator reads the whole thing into the record.

He is your biggest fan, and this is his show.

Mini is a pink jellybean with a mustache and star sunglasses, and he thinks you are the greatest person alive. He says so out loud, in his own recorded voice, louder and faster as the LOVE-O-METER climbs from Tiny Crush to LOVE COMA IMMINENT. Then it fills. He faints. A narrator steps in and reads the incident report while he is out cold. Then he gets back up, having learned nothing, and starts again.

SEASON ONE Twelve episodes, one a day, starting the day after you meet him. Your fan finds out he is not on file anywhere, founds a Bureau to fix it, and takes on Form 1-A (74 pages, no hearts allowed). There is a hearing. The shoebox presides.

THE CERTIFICATE Come back ten days running and he makes it official. You stamp the certificate yourself, by holding it down.

ALSO • More than 900 lines, every one written and recorded for him. • Tap him. He can take it. Barely. • When the narrator calls for it, shake the phone to bring him round. • The big moments buzz in your hand. • Save his card or his certificate and send it to the one person who needs to see it. • Season One can send one notice on days an episode is waiting, only after you say yes. • Turn his voice off or tone the motion down from the menu. • It all works with no signal. Everything he says is already on your phone.

He needs no feeding, no cleaning and no walks. He only needs you to show up.

Free. No ads, no purchases, no account. Nothing listens to you. He lives on your phone and goes nowhere else unless you share him.