Onsider: Football Survival

You don't follow football. The pub does. The office does. The group chat will not stop.

You could Google in the toilets. You could ask an AI and pray it didn't invent the score. Or you could walk in with a brief.

Onsider is the conversation survival tool for people who don't follow the game but can't avoid it this summer. Set your mission — the pub, the office, a watch party — and it hands you exactly what to say.

YOUR BRIEFING, BEFORE THE WHISTLE • Two or three fact-checked lines for the actual match, with the reason each one sounds credible • The one name that will dominate tonight — and how to pronounce it without getting caught • A cover identity tailored to your crowd, including the teams you must never praise • A risk rating on every line: safe, needs nerve, or hard pass

GO LIVE — FOR WHEN THE TALKING STARTS One tap launches the panic deck: a dark, glanceable screen showing one line at a time, phone half-hidden under the table. Tap to cycle. Need out? The EXTRACT line gets you gracefully to the bar. AirPods in? Whisper Mode reads the lines straight into your ear. Nobody needs to know.

CHECKED, NOT IMPROVISED Every line in Onsider comes from a hand-curated corpus, checked against reliable football sources — 85 player legends, 135 teams, 104 pronunciations — and ships exactly as written. No AI improvisation between the record and your mouth. We can't promise perfection — but getting caught with a made-up stat is exactly what Onsider is built to prevent.

BUILT FOR NON-FANS, NOT AGAINST THEM No league tables. No stats grids. No homework. Just the few things you need to be in the room instead of outside it. You won't become a fan. You'll just sound like you knew enough — and said it well.

BURN AFTER USE No account. No sign-up. Your mission stays on your device. Light ads help keep the app free — GO LIVE is always ad-free. Works fully offline in a signal-dead pub.

THE PRICE Free to download. One-time £1.99 to remove ads, forever. No subscription. Buy once, cancel nothing.

Also includes: Lock Screen and Home Screen widgets, and a matchday countdown on your Lock Screen and Dynamic Island.

The tournament starts this week. Your brief takes sixty seconds.

Know enough. Say it right.