Sporks for Dorts

Five-minute sports briefings for people who don't follow sports — refreshed throughout the day. Walk in fluent. Skip the awkward 'wait, who's Wemby?'

Your boss just asked if you saw what Wemby did last night. You have no idea who Wemby is, what they did, or whether "Wemby" is a person, a horse, or a small village in Wales.

Sporks for Dorts is for you.

It's a five-minute sports briefing app for people who don't follow sports — refreshed throughout the day by a virtual sports reporter who has read every headline, watched every result, and politely assumes you know absolutely nothing.

Open it any time you've got a dinner with the in-laws, a party, a Monday-morning meeting, or a phone call with your dad. In five minutes you'll know:

• TODAY'S BIG ONE — the single most-talked-about sports moment right now, explained in plain English.

• TOP SPORTS TODAY — what's actually happening across the four leagues people are watching. In North America: NBA, NHL, MLB, PGA. In the UK: Premier League, rugby, cricket, F1. In continental Europe: Champions League, La Liga, Bundesliga, Serie A.

• DON'T BE THE ONE WHO HASN'T HEARD — four cross-sport headlines you'd be embarrassed not to know.

• CONVOS OF THE DAY — four confident lines you can drop in conversation to sound caught up.

• DUMB QUESTIONS — four things you'd never ask out loud, answered quietly just for you. ("How many periods are in hockey?" "Does Toronto have a soccer team?" "What actually is a play-off?")

No jargon left undefined. No knowing nods. Every term, every player, every league rule gets explained the first time it appears. Because the whole point is: you walk in fluent enough to hold the conversation, then change the subject.

REGIONS Choose North America, the United Kingdom, or continental Europe. The reporter pulls from region-appropriate sources and writes for that audience — so a UK brief talks about Wembley and Wimbledon, a continental brief about Real Madrid and the Tour de France, and a North American brief about the Maple Leafs firing another coach.

LANGUAGES Read in English, French, or Spanish. Each brief is written natively in your chosen language — not translated — so the jokes and idiom land where they should.

REFRESHED ALL DAY A new briefing arrives roughly every six hours — before breakfast, before lunch, before dinner, after the night games. Browse past briefings in the Briefs tab if you want to catch up on what people were talking about yesterday.

Sporks for Dorts is the app for the dorks (dorts) who would rather spend their time on literally anything other than sports — but still have to live in a world that won't stop talking about them.