Joker Jewels

Plant fruit that takes years to bear, then find out whether you tended it well enough.

Joker Jewels is a gardening simulation about perennial crops — redcurrant, raspberry, apple, plum, peach, grapevine and banana — grown in plots you own and resolved one season at a time ⏱️. Nothing happens until you advance the season. When you do, the whole garden is worked through at once: winter chill banks up, heat pushes the buds open, bloom arrives and a late frost may take it, fruit sets, the plant spends its stored carbohydrate on the crop it is carrying, pest pressure builds in the ground, fruit sizes up, and whatever ripened is picked and graded.

Then Joker Jewels tells you why ❓ the season went the way it did, in sentences with numbers 🔢 in them.

WATCH THINGS GROW 👀
Every planting is drawn at the growth stage it has actually reached, and moves through those stages over years as it puts on structure: a sown seed, a sprout, a sapling, a young plant, a mature one heavy with fruit. Your land is one continuous piece of ground you pan across, bed by bed — and the parcel you have not bought yet lies at its edge, waiting.

TEND IT, OR DON'T
Irrigate, prune, protect against pests, feed the soil, and thin the fruit. Thinning is the one that teaches. Leave every fruitlet on an apple tree and you get a heavy crop of small, standard-grade fruit off a tree too drained to flower properly next spring. Thin it and you get fewer, larger, premium fruit — and a stronger tree the year 🗓️ after. Care is charged per plant per season, so a fully planted patch is a real bill against a real return.

SELL IT WELL
Harvest is graded premium, standard or cull by size and blemish, and stored with a freshness that fades every season. Prices move: some seasons bring a glut, some a scarcity, and dumping a whole lot in one sale drives down its own price. Hold it back for a better season and it ages instead. Every offer breaks out exactly what each factor is doing to the figure.

BUY MORE GROUND
Coin buys plantings, care and land. Each new ✨ parcel adds plots, unlocks another tier of crop and more storehouse room — from the six plots of the Home Patch out to a ten-plot old orchard. The south slope drains frost away downhill. The terraces bank heat off their stone. The old orchard sits low, where cold air pools, and comes with whatever pest problem the last grower left in it.

CHOOSE YOUR CLIMATE
Cool banks winter chill easily and ripens berries and plums, but its frosts wreck early bloomers and a grapevine never gets the heat it needs. Warm ripens everything and is the only place a banana lives through the winter, but apples bloom raggedly without their chill. Temperate sits between the two. The choice changes what is worth planting, and you can change it later.

KEEP THE RECORD
Every resolved season is written down and can be read back exactly as it happened, with the strongest reasons for the result named outright. Charts 📊 follow yield, revenue, chill and pest pressure across the whole run. Crop profiles say whether a crop suits your climate and show the numbers 🔢 behind the verdict. Attach a photo 📸 to a planting to keep your own record beside the simulated one, and export 📤 any season's summary as an image to share.

Readouts in metric or imperial, whichever you think in.

There is no timer to beat and nothing to wait out. The garden moves when you decide it moves.