Substitutions

Replaces words found from XKCD's comics to make reading the news more fun.

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Words being replaced:
- witnesses: these dudes I know 
- allegedly: kinda probably 
- new study: Tumblr post 
- rebuild: avenge 
- space: spaaace 
- google glass: virtual boy 
- smartphone: pokedex 
- electric: atomic 
- senator: elf-lord 
- car: cat 
- election: eating contest 
- congressional leader: river spirit 
- homeland security: homestar runner 
- could not be reached for comment: is guilty and everyone knows it 
- debate: dance-off 
- self driving: uncontrollably swerving 
- poll: psychic reading 
- candidate: airbender 
- drone: dog 
- vows to: probably won't 
- at large: very large 
- second-degree: friggin awful 
- third-degree: friggin awful 
- an unknown number: like hundreds 
- front runner: blade runner 
- global: spherical 
- years: minutes 
- minutes: years 
- no indication: lots of signs 
- urged restraint by: drunkenly egged on 
- horsepower: tons of horsemeat 
- gaffe: magic spell 
- ancient: haunted 
- star-studded: blood-soaked 
- remains to be seen: will never be known 
- silver bullet: ways to kill werewolves 
- subway system: tunnels I found 
- surprising: surprising (but not to me) 
- war of words: interplanetary war 
- tension: sexual tension 
- cautiously optimistic: delusional 
- doctor who: the big bang theory 
- win votes: find pokemon 
- behind the headlines: beyond the grave 
- email: poem 
- facebook post: poem 
- tweet: poem 
- facebook ceo: this guy 
- latest: final 
- disrupt: destroy 
- meeting: menage a trois 
- scientists: channing tatum and his friends 
- you won't believe: I'm really sad about