Roaches Eat My Pizza

Roaches. Your pizza. One thumb. Smash.

A pizza sits on the counter. The roaches have found it.

Roaches Eat My Pizza is a premium arcade stress toy for one thumb: tap to smash, chain kills into a combo, and spend the gold they drop on the counter's defences before the pizza is eaten to the crust. No ads. No in-app purchases. No account. Just you, a swatter, and an escalating swarm.

SMASH THINGS Three species, each with its own habit. Ordinary roaches beeline for the pizza. Fat ones take three hits and shrug off the first two. Radioactive ones glow, infect their neighbours mid-scuttle, and pay out double when you finally pop one.

SPEND THE GOLD Five weapons in a thumb-zone dock: bug spray, freeze, a power boost, HERO'S SMITE, and DIVINE WRATH, which clears the whole counter for 500 gold. Three predators you drag onto the counter with your finger: gecko, iguana, komodo dragon. They eat until they are full, then walk off with your money's worth.

THREE WAYS TO PLAY CLASSIC, endless, until the last wedge goes. SPRINT, three minutes, straight into the deep end. DAILY SMASH, one seeded run a day — the same swarm, the same arena, for everyone, with a streak to keep.

STOCK AN ARMORY Every run pays out Scales, and Scales buy permanent upgrades: a crustier crust, a wider swatter, a head start, bulk discounts, hungrier lizards. Three arenas unlock as your lifetime score climbs, each with its own enemy — an Ant Thief that robs your purse and runs, a Moth you can only hit mid-dive. Swatter and pizza skins are earned, never sold.

BUILT FOR A COMMUTE Portrait. One hand. Sixty seconds or sixty minutes. Every control sits in the thumb zone, the silent switch really does mute it, and the haptics were tuned before the graphics were. Backgrounding pauses the run and hands it back exactly where you left it.

Game Center leaderboards and achievements. Everything else is on your phone and stays there.