The Unc Daily

A satirical daily paper for the terminally online - fresh nonsense every day, an on-device slang Decoder, and a growing games corner. Reported with a straight face.

All the news that's barely fit.

The Unc Daily is a satirical newspaper for the terminally online: a fresh front page of very fake news, filed daily with the grave composure of a paper that has no idea what it's talking about. Part parody, part slang dictionary, entirely unserious.

READ THE PAPER • A new satirical issue, presented as a real newspaper page with a page-turning flip. • Browse the full Archive of past editions, grouped by month. • Download issues to read offline — on a plane, in a tunnel, wherever. • Rate the day's story, share it with the group chat, and get a nudge when a new one drops. • A Home Screen widget so the latest headline is always one glance away.

DECODE THE LANGUAGE • Meet the Decoder: an on-device assistant who patiently explains what "rizz," "delulu," or "mid" actually mean. • It runs entirely on your iPhone using Apple Intelligence — offline, private, nothing leaves your device.

AND WASTE A MINUTE • Cressida's Hide & Seek, a quick daily memory game with five shared lives that refill each night — and more games on the way.

No account. No ads. No tracking. Just a straight-faced paper covering a world that stopped making sense a while ago.

The Unc Daily is a work of satire. Names, bylines, and events are invented for comic effect and should not be mistaken for actual news.