Minga

I have a condition that makes me constantly constipated. This means when nature calls it takes me 15 to 30 minutes to answer. One day in class, the bird’s song from my abdomen was so beautiful, the entire class was tearing up. My compsci teacher even had to ask me to leave just so they could recuperate from the music. I rushed to relieve myself, but Mr. Honkle, the assistant principal of Allen High School in Allen, Texas, took a break from harassing children for feet pics in order to ensure my compliance with the Minga Pass policy. I agreed to fill out the pass, blessing him with the scent of chocolate as I did so. Entranced by the elegance of the moment, he followed me to the lavatory. Before I realized my time was up, yet not a drop of my espresso was in the bowl. In my hurry to leave, a wave of my Nutella spilled on the ground. I swooned onto the floor as my body was drenched in coffee. “Excuse me, young man, but your pass is up. 6 months of ISS for you-“ the unsuspecting toe licker, Racist Honkle of Allen High School in Allen, Texas proclaimed as he, too, joined me in my liquid dance. Long story short we got chlamydia and so did the rest of my family and my girlfriend’s family. /s

Okay so you make a pass than for some strange reason.. your brightness goes to 1000. I hate this. I hate it so much. It makes me uncomfortable when I’m in a dark class just trying to use the bathroom than my face lights up because the screen is so bright. I waste a good 30 seconds of my Minga pass just trying to get my eyes to readjust to the screen. The idea of a hall pass like this ain’t the worst for schools. I just wish that they weren’t so short, especially for us females. Like I know people shouldn’t be biased. But it’s not fair for a girl to get detention all because she couldn’t find the damn string. I also don’t like that schools keep giving personal data to these random sites. Iready is already on a watchlist. Just wait, in a few decades we’ll hear that Minga is stealing children’s information.

I'd like to note how manipulative the App Store is. It only shows the 4-5 star reviews written by the most delusional students. But as you scroll down, you'll see an abundance of more accurate one-star reviews. There is basically nothing to like about the five-minute timer. Bathrooms are far away from classrooms and you might spend half of that time simply walking to and from the bathroom. That gives you VERY little time to actually use the restroom. What if you're sick and need to vomit? That could take well over five minutes. What if you have diarrhea or a medical emergency? What if you have a medical condition that requires more than five minutes in the bathroom? Minga sucks and should be abandoned by the school system.